Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sometimes we can't look back.


The hubs & i had a rather deep conversation tonight about the paths we take in life. We asked each other to go back in time. And if someone asked us back then where we would be in 7 years, what would we say? 18 year old Elaine would have said Living in a little apartment in Indy, working at a hospital or prison translating. Probably doing some sort of freelance design work on the side. Probably having a boyfriend, but nothing too serious.

Joke's on me.

I'm not doing any of those things. I'm in a mid-sized Indiana city in my second small apartment with my husband of almost 2 years and my crazy cat. Not doing anything relating to my field of expertise. Not using my college degree in the least. Not that there's anything wrong with the way I'm living-- i LOVE my life-- but it's just interesting. It's hard to think that I spent 5 year toiling away and killing myself in college just to be here coasting, with my tiny little family.

This isn't a new train of thought. People think these things all the time. I think for me, it's interesting though because I can recall the EXACT moment that my life changed forever:

I was in my Agriculture class senior year of high school. We were having study time and I had my headphones plugged into my ears listening to Jumper by Third Eye Blind writing in my journal. I was dating this guy at the time that I wasn't too sure about and I was busy keeping up with the Jones' of the high school world. I, not unlike most teenagers, was occupied at times with my place in the school and not as thoughtful of how my passing thoughts impacted my life. So as I'm sitting there in that plastic chair writing in my journal listening to that 90s song, I distinctly remember thinking: "What's the POINT of this? This isn't how things are supposed to be." I knew I wanted to change myself. That song reminded me that I could 'put my past away' and live with purpose going forward. That night, I broke up with my boyfriend, made a vow not to concern myself with what people thought of me, focus on my journaling & art, and started my very first devotional.

So many things changed for me and it's incredible how much can be lifted RIGHT OFF when you make that conscious decision to take control and start living your life. And I've never looked back from that moment wondering if I made the right choice to live my life for art and expression and free thought. Because even looking at how many friends I've made from this blog, I know I made the right choice.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:28


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